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The Imperfect Homeschooler |
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A Tale of Two Moms
By May, Erin was fed up with homeschooling. She was tired of dragging four-year-old Andy to the bathroom to brush his teeth so they could get out the door in time for his music class. She was sick of fighting with Jake to get him into his car seat so they could drop Andy off. She was fed up with chasing Jake around Starbucks while they killed time waiting for Andy’s class to be over. She was also getting irritated with her husband Nate, who kept nagging her about the cost of picking up lunch and dinner so often. Who had time to stay home and cook? After music on Monday mornings, there wasn’t enough time to go home for lunch before taking Andy to his French class at Language Buddies. Later, soccer practice at 4:30 made it impossible to be home to cook dinner. And that was just Monday’s schedule. The rest of the week was equally busy. Andy and Jake both took swimming lessons, Jake had his Toddler Tumbling classes at the park district, and both took activity classes at the public library. Add in the inevitable visits to the doctor (they were regulars in the sick-child waiting room these days), dental appointments, library story hours and church…Erin wasn’t home enough to cook all the time. Her frustration came to a head on a sunny spring morning when Andy refused to come out of the bathroom. He insisted he still had to go and couldn’t leave yet. Erin sank to the hallway floor outside the bathroom and looked around her. Two baskets heaped high with unfolded laundry sat on the sofa. A stack of unopened mail lay on the hall table. Jake sat in front of the television, his belly sticking out from his too-short shirt. Both boys needed larger clothes, but there was no time to shop. She had to face facts: this homeschooling thing was not for her. It was time to accept that Andy belonged in preschool. Taking him to all these classes was just too much. Why not let him stay in one place to do all these things? With the time she’d save not driving him around all day, she could catch up around the house, plus she would gain a little one-on-one time with Jake before he, too, hit that age where he needed more activities to keep him busy and on track with others his age. It was time to admit that homeschooling was more than she could handle.
Across town, another young mom also sat on the floor waiting for a preschooler on the potty. Amy was reading aloud to three-year-old Alice while Emmy finished her morning bathroom routine. Then they had plans to put baby Amelia in her stroller so they could walk to the public library. Amy walked a lot of places with her girls because she didn’t have a car during the day. Her husband Tony needed it for work. Having one car meant that Tony had to stay with the girls at night or on the weekends when Amy went out to run errands. That was a win-win situation as far as she was concerned: She got some time alone and got to cross errands off of her list. She hadn’t always felt at peace with keeping her children home most of the time. She knew other families with young children who had their kids in many activities, and at one time she worried that not having her children in classes during the day would stunt their development. But then her friend Deb, a mom of three teenagers, pointed out that there would be many years for her children to be on the go, but only a few when they would be content to stay home with her. She also told Amy that her girls were doing just fine being raised at home, and that she should be proud of how smart and well-behaved they were. Coming from an experienced mom, Amy felt that was high praise, and a sign that she was on the right track. Deb’s gentle reminders helped Amy appreciate the fact that she didn’t have to drag her kids out of bed on cold winter mornings to take them to classes. They could spend leisurely mornings inside instead of driving in the traffic. On sunny days, they walked to the park or the library. Sometimes Amy’s mom came over and played with the girls in the yard while Amy caught up around the house. Her mom was also teaching Emmy to bake; it was a special time for them. She promised Alice that her time would come for private baking lessons, too. The days passed steadily, with a gentle cadence that was a welcome change for Amy after her pre-motherhood years of working in the fast-paced atmosphere of a large law office. Now she, not her boss, was in charge of her schedule, and she loved that. She also loved the days when they didn’t have to go anywhere at all. Freedom! Amy decided that not having a car meant they had a home life. She knew that if she’d had access to a car, it would be far too easy to get the girls involved in lots of outside activities. In a way, she felt secretly relieved that she could blame their stay-at-home lifestyle on being car-less. Her closest friends knew how much she liked being home with her girls, and they understood because they liked staying home with their little ones, too.
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Cardamom Publishers P.O. Box 4 Sturgeon Bay, Wi 54235 |
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Amy had even begun thinking about homeschooling Emmy pretty soon. Deb had homeschooled her kids through junior high, and they did very well despite never having attended preschool or elementary school. Learning this relieved a lot of pressure on Amy. Knowing that she had time before making a decision, she started reading about homeschooling, and she visited homeschoolers’ blogs and web sites. She was amazed at the variety of families involved in homeschooling, and the different ways they approached educating their children. It looked like it might be the thing for her family, too. But she was in no hurry to decide. More than once, her well-meaning relatives had asked her or Tony why Emmy wasn’t in preschool yet, and why neither Emmy nor Alice had taken any other classes. They’d patiently respond that they liked having the girls at home, and then described Deb’s family; they were living proof that formal preschool classes weren’t necessary. Finally, Emmy popped out of the bathroom ready to go, and the four of them prepared for their walk to the public library. Amy intended to check out some more back issues of homeschooling magazines. She promised the girls they’d stop by McDonald’s for lunch. Then they’d go back home, and while the girls napped, she would settle down with her magazines and a cool drink and enjoy her temporary peace and quiet.
By the time Andy finished getting ready, it was well after 11 am and his music class had already begun. Erin knew she did not have the patience to drag Andy into class late, kicking and crying, one more time, so she bundled up the boys and headed to McDonald’s, where she would let them wear themselves out in the Play Place while she sat with a cup of coffee and decided about putting Andy in preschool. There were other kids in the brightly colored climbing structure. She could hear their laughter. The boys would have others to play with. After getting the boys’ shoes off and stashed in a cubby, Erin settled down at a table. Nearby, a woman read a magazine; one hand rested on the stroller where her baby slept. The woman looked up and her eyes met Erin’s. They both smiled, and began to chat. Once they discovered they were both stay-at-home moms, their conversation became more animated. Before long, Erin found herself telling this complete stranger about her dilemma. “So I’m thinking I might as well just put him in preschool, you know?” She stopped for a moment and sighed, then added, “Homeschooling preschoolers is just too hard.” The woman responded, “You know, it doesn’t have to be so hard…..by the way, my name’s Amy.” And she extended her hand and began to describe the freedom of being home with her girls, and to share all the wisdom she had gained from her dear friend Deb. Amy also explained that studies show many schoolchildren in the early grades are burned out on schoolwork because they’ve had so many preschool classes. She suggested Erin read Dr. Raymond Moore’s book Better Late Than Early, where he listed the reasons (backed by research) that children did better when they were kept from formal schoolwork and group socialization until they were older. Erin was very interested to hear that young boys are particularly susceptible to burnout, and that most have a very hard time sitting still in school at a young age. Amy said they learn much more by being active instead of trying to sit still. “That’s true!” Erin exclaimed. “Andy has trouble sitting still in his French class, but he loves working in the garage with my husband. He’s always begging us to let him work out there. He’d spend all day driving nails into wood if we let him.” “See,” Amy exclaimed, “That’s how they learn! And if you let it be just a natural part of their life, to learn things when they express an interest in learning them, you don’t have to drag them to classes or put them in preschool. It sure makes for a peaceful life, I’ll tell you.” The women talked for quite a while longer, until they found themselves surrounded by their tired children. That’s when they exchanged phone numbers and each headed for home. On the drive back, Erin found herself smiling at the thought that she had not only found a new friend, but also a new way of looking at her boys’ education. Feeling like a rebel, she decided to skip the boys’ activities this afternoon and let them play in the yard. She’d even make a home-cooked meal for Nate. Would he ever be surprised!
© 2007 Cardamom Publishers/Barbara Frank
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