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The Imperfect Homeschooler |
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Queen of Just a Little
Christmas will soon be here, and along with it will come our adult children, home for the holiday. This year will mark our son’s last year of living at home over Christmas break. In 2007, he will graduate from college, get married and begin attending seminary in another state. So this will likely be our last Christmas as six of us. Our eldest will come home on Christmas Eve and spend the night so she can be here to open gifts the next morning. It will be a joyous time, especially for my husband and me, to have everyone together again. But I have to tread cautiously, so that I don’t ruin the holiday spirit. I don’t do it purposely, of course, but when I’m not careful, I sometimes tell my adult kids what to do about the little problems in their lives, both those they share with me and those I observe. I don’t do it on purpose. But, you see, I used to be Queen of Quite a Lot, as Mary Engelbreit would call it. I told my kids when to get up and which math chapter to work on. I showed them how to balance a checkbook and how to make pancakes. I told them when they were taking the ACT and how to prepare for it. Basically, I was in charge of their daily lives. And now I’m not. This has been a tough transition for me, one I probably haven’t handled as well as I could have. But we homeschool moms are in charge of so many things, and we get used to it. It’s so easy to keep saying things like, “Why don’t you try it this way?” That was appropriate when they were having trouble with geometry proofs, but somehow it doesn’t translate as well when the problem is with a boss or a boyfriend or girlfriend. At times, I feel like I’ve transitioned from helpful teacher to buttinsky, and I’m not sure how I got there. I only know it’s not working anymore. Part of this is an issue of faith. I have to have faith that God will lead my adult children and guide them through life. He will also bring into their lives people who will teach them lessons, either purposely or inadvertently. It’s not up to me anymore. |
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Cardamom Publishers P.O. Box 81 Algonquin, IL 60102-0081 |
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If I can remember this before I open my mouth, we will have a peaceful and happy Christmas. But if I slip up and start telling someone what I think they should do about their job or their finances, it will be like throwing a bucket of water on a cheerily burning fire in a fireplace. I must remember that, at least in the lives of my adult children, I am now Queen of Just a Little. And that’s how it should be. Nobody’s mother should run his or her life. Adults need to look to God for that. Besides, I’m proud of how independent my kids are. Those who predict that homeschooled kids can’t function once they’re out in the world have to eat their words when they meet my kids. So I’m not saying I wish my kids would consult me more. I just need to stop being so generous about offering them my free advice. In the meantime, I still have two teenagers at home who are under my rule, at least for a while longer. They’ll be busy the next few weeks helping me get ready for Christmas by baking cookies, wrapping gifts and, on days like today, shoveling snow to make a clean path for our relatives and friends who come calling. So I haven’t given up the crown yet. And on Christmas Eve, when we’re home together eating goodies and enjoying each other’s company, and one of my older kids starts talking about buying something I consider a waste of money, or making a decision I don’t agree with, how will I respond? By saying, “Pass the egg nog, please.” (Right, God? I’m gonna need your help with it again, though!)
© 2006 Cardamom Publishers/Barbara Frank
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