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The Imperfect Homeschooler |
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Regarding Homeschool Dads
Recently there’s been an online tempest in a teacup regarding homeschool dads. Veteran homeschooling father and former HSLDA attorney Scott Somerville has begun a ministry to encourage homeschool dads, but the way he chose to announce his ministry’s existence caused something of a stir. Here’s what the press release said:
Scott has set out to tackle one of the biggest (non-legal) challenges homeschoolers face today: fathers who are not living up to their potential. His mission is to figure out (1) why some dads are falling short, (2) what they need to succeed, and (3) how to reach them effectively. Scott believes this untapped “father power” could provide new momentum for the homeschool movement.
When he first started working at HSLDA, Scott Somerville explained, “I thought the biggest threat [to homeschooling] was the truant officer. We moved into a new phase where the biggest threat was the social worker. I am genuinely convinced that the biggest threat today is the disengaged dad.” (Emphasis mine.)
He’s certainly entitled to his opinion, but I don’t agree with him. I can think of threats to homeschooling, both legal and non-legal, that are far more worrisome than whether homeschooling dads measure up to the standards set by one person. In fact, one of those threats would be big names in the homeschool community making other homeschooling parents feel inadequate by passing judgment on them. More specifically, I’m concerned about homeschooling moms becoming dissatisfied with their husbands because a ministry is telling them “here’s what your husband should be doing,” and he’s not. The danger lies in the possible creation of “The Grass is Greener” syndrome amongst homeschool moms. Someone tells us that our husbands should be teaching our children science or math, or participating in leadership in our support group, and we start thinking, “Hmmm…..so-and-so’s husband makes time for that. Why can’t mine?” |
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Cardamom Publishers P.O. Box 81 Algonquin, IL 60102-0081 |
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We need to be very cautious about letting others set standards for us, not only because it may bring about discontent in our hearts, but also because these standards are set by people, and people are fallible. Just as there’s no one “right way” to homeschool, there’s no one right way to be a homeschool dad (or mom, for that matter). Different combinations of parents and kids make for different ways of living as a homeschool family. Work situations (dads who travel for work, dads who work at home, etc.) can also be a factor, as can income level, other responsibilities (ex. care of elderly parents, business ownership) and energy level (which may be affected by personal health issues). No matter how well-intentioned, ministries that claim to know the best way to be a homeschooling parent put unnecessary pressure on people, often making them feel inadequate, or worse, making them feel their spouse is inadequate. Homeschooling is challenging enough without adding discontent between spouses. What if it’s too late? What if you’ve heard what the “experts” say your husband should be doing, or you’ve watched a friend’s husband and wished yours was like that? What if you really feel that your husband should be doing more to help, but your pleas have fallen on deaf ears? Well, if you’ve been married more than a few months, you know that nagging doesn’t work. Why not try a surefire resource? Pray! Ask God to lead both of you to the places in His Word where you’ll find His standards for good parenting. Ask Him to grow your husband as a homeschooling father, and to also show you how to be content with your husband instead of wishing he was like someone else. Remember that the two of you are a team, and you are to work together to raise the unique children God has given you. The one-size-fits-all standards set forth by humans are no match for the work God has for you and your husband to do. He is the one who joined you together as a team. Why not ask Him for guidance, and look to His Word for answers? He will guide you both toward becoming exactly the kind of parents your homeschooled children need.
© 2006 Cardamom Publishers/Barbara Frank
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